by Jamie Alan
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If your marriage is experiencing problems and divorce has come up, then chances are good that it is a cry for help from your spouse. It is a vital warning sign that saying; “If things do not get better, then it is over”. This is your chance to save your marriage and make things better.
It is very important that you learn the right things to do here because the wrong move, could make things worse. It could speed up the process or finalize the decision of divorce.
It is obviously a critical time for your marriage and if you intend on staying married you will need to find the right information and apply it correctly. There is so much involved that it is not possible to cover everything, all at once right here, but there are some actions you can take to get things started.
I will provide ten different strategies to help save your marriage and stop divorce from being inevitable. The things that you can do during the period of time when your spouse is considering divorce are best provided by professionals who are experts on this subject. Taking action on your own can actually cause more harm than good. So be extremely careful to find the right, the best information to save your marriage.
The guidelines to follow in an attempt to reverse your spouse from contemplating divorce are simple enough to learn, however, to apply them and put them into practice are a different story. It requires a certain amount of determination, devotion, and self-discipline on your part but you absolutely can save your marriage if you utilize these requirements.
This will not be easy, but will certainly be worth it in the end, once your marriage relationship is back on track and your life can begin improving overall.
The ten strategies to save your marriage & stop divorce are listed in order of what to do first, then following the sequence chronologically. In other words, try not to skip ahead or start in the middle as each one requires support of the previous step.
1. Give them space. Especially if there was recently a big blow-up. Yet even if there was not one, still let things go for at least 24 hrs. if not longer. People need time to process what is happening to them. The more you agitate the situation the more desperate you appear and the more problems seem to be piling up on them. If it appears that there is just more of the same then the decision for divorce will be an easier more firm one to make.
If you allow them time to think things through they will ultimately reason out that divorce is a huge deal and final too. They will not rush this decision unless you apply more pressure. Even though your intentions are to convince them otherwise it will not come out that way during this time. It is a delicate balance of subtlety and silence.
Quietness builds character and mystery. Once your spouse is through contemplating their thoughts will then turn to what they wonder you are thinking. IF you are constantly telling them what you think then they have no need to wonder about what your thinking.
2. Analyze and Identify with yourself. During this time of *SPACE* do some inventory of yourself and find out what it is that you can either improve on or discontinue doing that may have caused issue or problems previously. Identify the major issues that you believe you do that are responsible for causing the trouble. Once you have done an adequate amount of self-reflection then ‘quietly’ ask yourself what your spouse does,(without blaming them) that bothers you.
It is more important that you analyze yourself first & also more intensive than your spouse because blaming others is easy. Saving your marriage means saving yourself. Taking responsibility for yourself is the real challenge.
One thing I like to do is write down all my shortcomings, inadequacies, and faults. It makes it a lot easier to see and then I will list them in order of importance. Devise a way to catch yourself from continuing on in the same manner, so that you can improve on your faults. Then, ask yourself if this is something that your spouse is also guilty of, and if so will they be willing to admit to it.
The important thing to remember here is this is more about you than your spouse. It should be focused on you so that you and your spouse can better relate and get along. Find the one most important thing that you believe bothers your spouse and focus all your work on resolving this particular issue. Make that change and make it clear that you have made that change.
3. Break the Silence, Softly. After all your reflection and self analyzing, gently ask your partner if you can explain something to them. Be as soft and sincere as you possibly can. The way in which you approach your spouse is very important to how you will be received. If you are still the same then they will not believe what it is you have to explain. Then ask them if they have thought more about it. Listen, to them intently and then begin explaining to them what you have just done.
Consistently keeping eye contact until a certain point and then explain to them that this is about yourself and not them. Tell them you have thought a lot about everything and that you have come to the conclusion that you need to work on yourself.
Explain how you both owe it to your marriage to try your very best otherwise you may look back on your lives with regret. No one wants to think back to what might have been and in almost every case of divorce this ends up being the case. People always report wondering, ‘Did I do everything I could? Was there something I over-looked?’ Explain this to them so that they understand how necessary it is to be thorough. Divorce is serious business and involves a whole lot of outside elements beyond your marriage.
4. Remind them of A Happier Time in Your Relationship. This is very important. Get them reflecting on positive things about the relationship and what it means to the both of you. This will help in reminding them of the reasons you both got married in the first place, you fell in love. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with this each other and you knew there would be some hard times. Through sickness and health good times and the bad.
Tell them that this is also very difficult for you and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Explain to them that you want to know that you both did everything possible before getting a divorce so that you will not look back in regret like so many others do. The next part is very difficult but very effective and before you think it is crazy check out the statistics.
5. Suggest Trial Separation. Do not just suggest this as a bluff, but be completely ready to do this. Actually mean it and be prepared to do it. At least for a given amount of time. Statistics indicate that marriages that go through with this, actually became stronger and did not divorce as opposed to those that stayed together. The married couples that tried to work things out and stayed together ended up in divorce court and never got back together. Those that went through a separation stayed married. This is the facts. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder and you will both miss each other and reflect on what is really important, Your Marriage!
Be sure to indicate that this in no way, shape, or form suspends the oaths you have made to each other. You should both remain faithful in every way. Just because you are taking time apart does not mean you ARE apart. Set up guidelines and make sure everything is clear and then stick to it.
The amount of time apart should be settled on between you both and should also be long enough, though not too long. This is why it is so important to get more explicitly detailed information from professionals who are expert on dealing with this kind of thing. It works and is extremely effective in maintaining a healthy, happy, marriage relationship between you are your loved one.
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